95% accurate mono-ii translations from shimpan at the January 2026 grand sumo tournament. Some reports are missing due to me being unavailable during the tournament or replay of the tournament. Please accept my sincere apologies. --Kewey --- Day 1: partial (5 reports recorded) Jonokuchi #10 Terunosato (0-0) vs Jonokuchi #9 Kazenohana (0-0) head judge Tatekawa reports: "ref gave it to east. we discussed if it's a draw and found that east's knee fell first. call reversed, west wins. TUNNEL SHIMPS AWOO !" Jonidan #96 Sato (0-0) vs Jonidan #96 Seiseigo (0-0) head judge Tatekawa reports: "ref gave it to west. we discussed if it's a draw and found that west's body hit first. call reversed, east wins. TUNNEL SHIMPS RULE!" Jonidan #85 Kotofuno (0-0) vs Jonidan #85 Daigozakura (0-0) head judge Tatekawa reports: "ref gave it to west. we discussed if it's a draw and found that west's foot went out first. call reversed, east wins. TUNNEL SHIMPS AWOO !" Maegashira #16 Asanoyama (0-0) vs Maegashira #16 Oshoumi (0-0) head judge Takadagawa reports: "ref gave it to Oshoumi. we found that Asanoyama fell first. call stands, Oshoumi wins. TUNNEL SHIMPS AWOO -LE!" Maegashira #15 Ryuden (0-0) vs Maegashira #15 Asakoryu (0-0) head judge Takadagawa reports: "ref gave it to Asasho-- Asakoryu. we discussed if Asa yanked hair and found that he did. call overturned, Ryuden wins. TUNNEL SHIMPS ARE DISAPPOINTED AT NON-CONSENSUAL KNOT PULLING!" --- Day 2: 6 reports Jonidan #82 Tsurugifuji (0-0) vs Jonidan #81 Akinishiki (0-0) head judge Oshima reports: "ref gave it to east. we found that east hit first. call reversed, west wins. TUNNEL SHIMPS AWOO -LE!" Jonidan #49 Asanojo (0-0) vs Jonidan #50 Azuma (0-0) head judge Futagoyama reports: "ref gave it to east. we discussed if it's a draw and found that west's body fell first. call stands, east wins. TUNNEL SHIMPS RULE!" Sandanme #71 Ikazuchiarashi (0-0) vs Sandanme #71 Shoryu (0-0) head judge Hanaregoma reports: "i'm Hanaregoma, and these are my cheeks! ref gave it to west. we discussed if hair was yanked and found that it sure was. disqualification! east wins. TUNNEL SHIMPS RULE!" Makushita #42 Daimasakari (0-0) vs Makushita #41 Oyamada (0-0) head judge Azumazeki reports: "ok so the fancy dressing gown guy gave it to mr east and we talked about if maybe it's a draw and we figure that west's body stayed in so i guess mr west wins the match but ok so like the other day i met this dog and i went whuff and the dog went whuff back at me and i think i might be king of the dogs now, ok bye" Maegashira #12 Midorifuji (0-1) vs Maegashira #13 Tomokaze (0-1) head judge "Coconuts" Kokonoe reports: "ref gave it to Tomo. we discussed if it's a draw and found that Tomo's foot stayed in. call stands, Tomo wins. AND STOP BLOODY CALLING ME COCONUTS! GRRRRHH!" Maegashira #1 Yoshinofuji (0-1) vs Ozeki Aonishiki (1-0) head judge Kumegawa reports: "ref gave it to Ao. we discussed if Aonishiki's hand touched the same time as Yoshi's body and found that Yoshi's body went airborne first. call stands, Aonishiki wins. TUNNEL SHIMPS AWOO -LE!" --- Day 3: partial? (9 reports recorded) Jonokuchi #12 Kototerao (1-0) vs Jonokuchi #9 Kazenohana (1-0) head judge Tokitsukaze reports: "ref called it for east, we discussed if east's hand touched down first and found that it did. call overturned, west wins. TUNNEL SHIMPS RULE!" Jonidan #97 Urutora (0-1) vs Jonidan #96 Seiseigo (0-1) head judge Tokitsukaze reports: "ref gave it to east. we discussed if it's a draw and found that east's body stayed in. call stands, east wins. TUNNEL SHIMPS AWOO -LE!" Jonidan #50 Azuma (0-1) vs Jonidan #50 Wakahizen (0-1) head judge Tanigawa reports: "ref gave it to west. we found that the top of east's foot went down first. call stands, west wins. TUNNEL SHIMPS RULE!" Jonidan #9 Takahara (1-0) vs Jonidan #10 Uchima (1-0) head judge Tanigawa reports: "ref gave it to west. we found that east's hair was pulled. disqualification! east wins. TUNNEL SHIMPS AWOO -LE!" Sandanme #59 Fujimusashi (0-1) vs Sandanme #60 Kazeyuki (0-1) head judge Ikazuchi reports: "ref gave it to west. we discussed if it's a draw and found that east's body hit first. call upheld, west wins. TUNNEL SHIMPS AWOO -LE!" Juryo #8 Kitanowaka (1-1) vs Juryo #7 Asasuiryu (0-2) head judge "Coconuts" Kokonoe reports: "ref gave it to Kita. we discussed if it's a draw and found that Kita's foot stayed in. call stands, Dave wins. AND STOP CALLING ME COCONUTS! GRRR!" Sekiwake Kirishima (2-0) vs Maegashira #3 Hakunofuji (2-0) head judge Takabagagwa reports: "ref gave it to Haku. we discussed if it was a draw and found that it was! RUN IT AGAIN! ALL HAIL THE GREAT BAGAGWA!" Ozeki Kotozakura (2-0) vs Komusubi Wakamotoharu (0-2) head judge Takabagagwa reports: "ref gave it to Koto. we discussed if it's a draw and found that the top of Wakamo's foot touched first! call stands, Koto wins! ALL HAIL THE GREAT BAGAGWA!" Maegashira #2 Ura (0-2) vs Yokozuna Onosato (2-0) head judge Takabagagwa reports: "ref gave it to Ono. we discussed if it's a draw and found that it's a draw! THE GREAT BAGAGWA CANNOT ANSWER YOUR HAIL AT THIS TIME DUE TO UNUSUAL HAIL VOLUMES, PLEASE HOLD!" --- Day 4: 7 reports Jonidan #16 Togyokuko (1-0) vs Jonidan #14 Tochigidake (1-0) head judge Naruto reports: "ref is giving it to west. we discussed if is draw and found that east's hand touches first. call stands, west is winner. TUNNEL SHIMPS ARE RULING! AWOO -ING!" Jonidan #1 Yamane (1-0) vs Jonidan #3 Ikazuchishu (1-0) head judge Naruto reports: "ref is giving it to west. we are finding that west's foot went out. call is reversed, east is winner. TUNNEL SHIMPS ARE AWOO -ING!" Sandanme #16 Nionoumi (0-1) vs Sandanme #15 Dairaido (0-1) head judge Nishonoseki reports: "we discussed if east yanked hair and found that he didn't. call stands, east wins. IBARAKI ROCKS!" Makushita #32 Daishoryu (1-0) vs Makushita #30 Gyokuozan (1-0) head judge Hidenoyama reports: "ref gave it to east. we discussed if hair got pulled and found that it sure did. west wins! TUNNEL SHIMPS DISAPPROVE OF NON-CONSENSUAL KNOT PULLING!" Makushita #20 Obara (0-1) vs Makushita #18 Satorufuji (0-1) head judge Hidenoyama reports: "ref gave it to east. we discussed if it's a draw and found that east's body hit first. call reversed, west wins! TUNNEL SHIMPS RULE!" Juryo #7 Tochitaikai (1-2) vs Juryo #5 Takerufuji (2-1) head judge "Curly" Kumegawa reports: "ref gave it to Taker. we discussed if Tochi's heel stayed in or not and found that it did. call reversed, Tochi wins. TUNNEL SHIMPS AWOO -LE!" Maegashira #10 Tokihayate (1-2) vs Maegashira #11 Chiyoshoma (2-1) head judge Takabagagwa reports: "ref gave it to Toki. we discussed if hair was pulled and found that hair was not pulled. call stands, Toki wins. THE GREAT BAGAGWA ALSO DISAPPROVES OF NON-CONSENSUAL KNOT PULLING!" --- Day 5: 6 reports Sandanme #64 Keiga (1-1) vs Sandanme #62 Daishoki (1-1) head judge Takekuma reports: "ref gave it to east. we discussed if it's a draw and found that east's foot went out first. call reversed, west wins. TUNNEL SHIMPS RULE!" Sandanme #45 Suyama (1-1) vs Sandanme #43 Suzunofuji (1-1) head judge Takekuma reports: "ref gave it to west. we discussed if it's a draw and found that east's body fell first. call stands, west wins. TUNNEL SHIMPS AWOO -LE!" Sandanme #31 Kitanosho (0-2) vs Sandanme #27 Fujiso (0-2) head judge Takekuma reports: "ref gave it to east. we discussed if east's body fell first or not and found that east's body did fall first. call reversed, west wins. TUNNEL SHIMPS RULE!" Sandanme #7 Chiyonoo (0-2) vs Sandanme #4 Ryuji (0-2) head judge Otowayama reports: "we discussed if west's foot went out or not and found that it didn't. call stands, west wins. TUNNEL SHIMPS AWOO -LE!" Makushita #15 Shohoryu (1-1) vs Makushita #14 Mudoho (1-1) head judge Otowayama reports: "ref gave it to east. we discussed if it's a draw and found that east went out first. call reversed, west wins. TUNNEL SHIMPS AWOO -LE!" Juryo #14 Hakuyozan (1-3) vs Juryo #11 Tsurugisho (1-3) head judge Takabagagwa reports: "ref gave it to Tsuru. we discussed if it's a draw and found that Tsuru stayed in. call stands, Geesh wins, Hakuyozan goes to Ohio. ALL HAIL THE GREAT BAGAGWA!" --- Day 6: partial (6 reports recorded) Makushita #31 Chiyonokatsu (0-2) vs Makushita #33 Mikazuchiyama (0-2) head judge Tatekawa reports: "ref gave it to west. we discussed if it's a draw and found that east fell first. call stands, uh, west wins. TUNNEL SHIMPS AWOO -LE!" Juryo #13 Dewanoryu (4-1) vs Juryo #9 Kayo (4-1) head judge "Coconuts" Kokonoe reports: "ref gave it to Dewa. we discussed if Dewa's hand touched first and found that it did! call reversed, Kayo wins. AND STOP CALLING ME COCONUTS! GRR!" Juryo #3 Fujiryoga (3-2) vs Juryo #2 Kagayaki (2-3) head judge "Coconuts" Kokonoe reports: "ref gave it to Kags. we discussed if it's a draw and found that Kag's foot went out first! call reversed, Fujiryoga wins. AND STOP CALLING ME COCONUTS! GRR!" Maegashira #12 Midorifuji (2-3) vs Maegashira #10 Kotoshoho (3-2) head judge "Curly" Kumegawa reports: "ref gave it to Midorin. we discussed if Midorin went airborne at the same time as Koto hit the deck and found that Midorifuji went airborne first. call reversed, Kotoshoho wins. TUNNEL SHIMPS AWOO -LE!" Maegashira #7 Oshoma (5-0) vs Maegashira #5 Churanoumi (2-3) head judge Takabagagwa reports: "ref gave it to Chura. we discussed if it's a draw and found that Chura stayed in. call stands, Chura wins. ALL HAIL THE GREAT BAGAGWA!" Sekiwake Kirishima (4-1) vs Maegashira #1 Ichiyamamoto (1-4) head judge Takabagagwa reports: "ref gave it to Yam. Kiri stayed in. call reversed, Kiri wins. CONSPIRACY THEORISTS WILL BE SENT TO OHIO!" --- Day 7: partial (6 reports recorded) Jonidan #98 Wakahasegawa (2-1) vs Jonidan #97 Urutora (2-1) head judge Futagoyama reports: "ref gave it to east. we discussed if it's a draw and found that it's a draw! bonus sumo! TUNNEL SHIMPS RULE!" Jonidan #98 Wakahasegawa (2-1) vs Jonidan #97 Urutora (2-1) head judge Futagoyama reports: "we're back baby! ref gave it to east. we discussed if it's a draw and found that west's body fell first! call stands, east wins! TUNNEL SHIMPS RULE!" Sandanme #40 Zuitenryu (1-2) vs Sandanme #39 Tokinohira (1-2) head judge Azumazeki reports: "ok so the fancy guy gave it to west and we talked about if maybe it's a draw and we figure that east's hand touched first so i guess mr west wins the match but ok so like now that i am king of the dogs i wear a dog bowl for a crown and my sceptre is the same stick that Kewey posted on the memes channel except i nailed a can of dog food to the top and my cape is a dog blanket and i smell kinda bad, ok bye" Sandanme #34 Shoji (1-2) vs Sandanme #32 Kassho (1-2) head judge Azumazeki reports: "ok so the fancy dressing gown guy gave it to east and we talked about if maybe the top of east's foot went out or not and we figure it sure did so i guess mr west wins, oh and tunnel shimps AWOO and stuff, ok bye" Makushita #41 Hinataryu (1-2) vs Makushita #39 Anhibiki (1-2) head judge Oshima reports: "very funny, you two... ref gave it to west. we found that east's body hit first. call stands, west wins. TUNNEL SHIMPS CAN WALK IT OFF!" (note: the match ended with both wrestlers falling off the dohyo onto Oshima) Yokozuna Hoshoryu (5-1) vs Maegashira #3 Hakunofuji (4-2) head judge "Coconuts" Kokonoe reports: "ref gave it to Hosh. we discussed if it's a draw and found that it's a draw! BONUS SUMO! AND STOP CALLING ME COCONUTS! GRR!" --- Day 8: partial (2 reports recorded) Sandanme #59 Fujimusashi (0-3) vs Sandanme #60 Kyokushori (0-3) head judge Takasago reports: "ref gave it to east. we found the top of west's foot touched out. call stands, east wins. TUNNEL SHIMPS RULE!" Makushita #12 Daiyusho (1-2) vs Makushita #11 Toseiryu (1-2) head judge Tokitsukaze reports: "ref gave it to east. we discussed if it's a draw and found that east's body fell first. call reversed, west wins. TUNNEL SHIMPS AWOO -LE!" --- Day 9: partial (3 reports recorded) Sandanme #55 Niya (2-2) vs Sandanme #49 Takashoki (2-2) head judge Hidenoyama reports: "ref gave it to east. we discussed if it's a draw and found that west's body fell first. call stands, east wins. TUNNEL SHIMPS GOT TO SEE THE EMPEROR AND YOU DIDN'T! NYEAH!" Sandanme #41 Agora (3-1) vs Sandanme #43 Suzunofuji (3-1) head judge Hidenoyama reports: "ref gave it to east. we discussed if it's a draw and found that east's heel stayed in or something i didn't hear because someone was messing around with the sound. call stands, east wins. TUNNEL SHIMPS AWOO -LE!" Maegashira #17 Hatsuyama (0-8) vs Maegashira #13 Tomokaze (3-5) head judge "Curly" Kumegawa reports: "ref gave it to to Hat. we discussed if it's a draw and found that Tomo went out first. call stands, Hat wins. TUNNEL SHIMPS AWOO -LE!" --- Day 10: 6 reports Jonidan #64 Tokio (1-3) vs Jonidan #62 Fujinoteru (1-3) head judge Kiyomigata reports: "ref gave it to west. we discussed if it's a draw and found that west's body went out first. call reversed, east wins. TUNNEL SHIMPS AWOO -LE!" Jonidan #23 Ishiazuma (2-2) vs Jonidan #22 Fujiyuho (2-2) head judge Takekuma reports: "ref gave it to east. we discussed if it's a draw and found that east's hand touched first. call reversed, west wins. TUNNEL SHIMPS AWOO PRECISELY WHEN THEY MEAN TO!" Juryo #12 Nishikigi (4-5) vs Juryo #14 Kazuma (5-4) head judge Kumegawa reports: "ref gave it to Keegs. we discussed if Kazuma's foot went out first and found that it was. call stands, Keegs wins. TUNNEL SHIMPS RULE!" Maegashira #14 Mitakeumi (4-5) vs Maegashira #13 Tomokaze (3-6) head judge Takabagagwa reports: "ref gave it to Mita. we discussed if Tomo's foot went out and found that Tomo's foot stayed in. call reversed, Tomo wins. ALL HAIL THE GREAT BAGAGWA!" Maegashira #2 Ura (1-8) vs Maegashira #4 Daieisho (3-6) head judge "Coconuts" Kokonoe reports: "ref gave it to Daidai. we discussed if it's a draw and found that Ura's hand touched down first. call stands, Daidai wins. AND STOP CALLING ME COCONUTS!" Maegashira #4 Atamifuji (7-2) vs Yokozuna Onosato (6-3) head judge "Coconuts" Kokonoe reports: "ref gave it to Atamin. we discussed if it's a draw and found that BONUS SUMO!!! AND STOP CALLING ME COCONUTS!" --- Day 11: 1 report Sandanme #57 Arise (4-1) vs Sandanme #52 Wakaikazuchi (4-1) head judge Tatekawa reports: "ref gave it to east. we discussed if east's toe slipped out and found that it did. aww. call reversed, west wins. TUNNEL SHIMPS AWOO -LE!" --- Day 12: 8 reports Jonidan #94 Daisho (3-2) vs Jonidan #98 Wakahasegawa (3-2) head judge Hanaregoma reports: "ref gave it to east. we discussed if it's a draw and found that east fell first. call reversed, west wins. TUNNEL SHIMPS AWOO -LE!" Jonidan #76 Asatenmai (3-2) vs Jonidan #73 Daitensho (3-2) head judge Hanaregoma reports: "ref gave it to east. we discussed if it's a draw and found that it's a draw! BONUS SUMO! TUNNEL SHIMPS WOULD LIKE TO REMIND EVERYONE THAT BLESS ORIGINALLY MEANT 'MARK WITH BLOOD'! AWOO " Jonidan #24 Shoketsu (3-2) vs Jonidan #22 Fujiyuho (3-2) head judge Azumazeki reports: "ok so fancy poncho guy pointed east but me and the other wizards wonder if maybe east's foot went out or not and we figure that east's foot and west's body went out at the same time so i guess more sumo, oh wait i forgot we're not wizards we just wear cool robes although one time i bent a spoon with my mind and Oshima was like whoa and i was like whoa and Oshima was like lol and i was like oh no my spoon, ok bye" Sandanme #78 Musubiyama (2-3) vs Sandanme #80 Kayatoiwa (2-3) head judge Azumazeki reports: "ok so fancy bathrobe guy pointed east but me and the other druids wonder if maybe east's foot went out first and we figure that east's foot went out so i guess poncho guy was wrong and west guy wins, oh wait i forgot we're not druids either although we can all do wild shape for some reason AWOO , ok bye" Sandanme #49 Masakifuji (2-3) vs Sandanme #46 Shoran (2-3) head judge "The Cushion" Oshima reports: "ref gave it to west. we found that west's elbow hit first. call reversed, east wins. ALSO I AM NOT A CUSHION! GO FALL ON URAKAZE INSTEAD!" Makushita #53 Murayama (3-2) vs Makushita #58 Asagyokusei (3-2) head judge Futagoyama reports: "ref gave it to east. we discussed if west's foot stayed in or not and found that it sure did! call reversed, west wins. TUNNEL SHIMPS AWOO -LE!" Makushita #38 Tosamidori (2-3) vs Makushita #36 Kaisho (2-3) head judge Futagoyama reports: "ref gave it to west. we discussed if east's foot stayed in or not and found that east's foot stayed in! call reversed, east wins. TUNNEL SHIMPS AWOO -LE!" Maegashira #6 Hiradoumi (7-4) vs Komusubi Wakamotoharu (5-6) head judge Takabagagwa reports: "ref gave it to Hirado. we discussed if Waka's utchari utcharied and found that Waka's foot went out. call stands, Hirado wins! ALL HAIL THE GREAT BAGAGWA!" --- Day 13: 5 reports Jonidan #94 Daisho (3-3) vs Jonidan #96 Seiseigo (3-3) head judge Ikazuchi reports: "ref gave it to west. we discussed if it's a draw and found that west's body touched first. call overturned, east wins. TUNNEL SHIMPS RULE!" Makushita #47 Soma (2-4) vs Makushita #50 Yokomaru (2-4) head judge MC Tanigawa reports: "ref gave it to east. we found that west did a bad first so east is the winner. TUNNEL SHIMPS KEEPIN' IT REAL!" Makushita #40 Uzumasa (3-3) vs Makushita #43 Chiyodaigo (3-3) head judge MC Tanigawa reports: "ref gave it to east. we found that west fell first so east is the w--YO CAT! STOP TALKING WHILE I'M BUSTING RHYMES!" Makushita #41 Oyamada (3-3) vs Makushita #38 Tosamidori (3-3) head judge MC Tanigawa reports: "ref gave it to west. we found that west fell first, call is whack, east takes the win. TUNNEL SHIMPS REPRESENT!" Makushita #20 Obara (3-3) vs Makushita #23 Haruyama (3-3) head judge MC Tanigawa reports: "ref gave it to west. we found that east went airborne first, call is true, west takes the win. TUNNEL SHIMPS REPRESENT! AWOO " --- Day 14: 4 reports Jonidan #46 Mimurodake (3-3) vs Jonidan #43 Sawayaka (3-3) head judge Hidenoyama reports: "ref gave it to east. we discussed if east's foot went out or not and found that it didn't. call stands, east wins. TUNNEL SHIMPS WENT BACK AND CHECKED!" Makushita #31 Chiyonokatsu (1-5) vs Makushita #43 Goseizan (1-5) head judge Naruto reports: "ref was giving it to east. we were discussing if is draw and we are finding that west was flying out first. call stands, east is winning. TUNNEL SHIMPS ARE RULING! AWOO -ING!" Juryo #8 Meisei (6-7) vs Juryo #13 Dewanoryu (8-5) head judge Takabagagwa reoprts: "ref gave it to Meisei. we discussed if it's a draw and foudn that Dewa hit first; call stands, Meisei wins. ALL HAIL THE GREAT BAGAGWA!" Juryo #4 Sadanoumi (8-5) vs Juryo #9 Kayo (8-5) head judge Takabagagwa reoprts: "ref gave it to Sada. we discussed if it's a draw and found that Kayo was dead? i think? call stands, Sada wins. THE GREAT BAGAGWA CAN HAS CHEESEBURGER?" --- Day 15: 1 report Sandanme #59 Fujimusashi (1-5) vs Sandanme #51 Hokutoshu (1-5) head judge Tateyama reports: "ref gave it to east. we discussed if it's a draw and found that west's foot went out. call stands, east wins. TUNNEL SHIMPS CAN NOT BE CLICKER TRAINED!"